Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
