after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just blew my weed a kiss
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
