I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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