the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
