i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
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It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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