She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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