life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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