I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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