Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
