You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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