last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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