Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
