I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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