at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
