She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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