Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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