Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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