Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
