i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
