May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
