He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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