I will die if light touches me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
