Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
