Umm I'm too high to move.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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