Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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