White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
