make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
