Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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