This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Let's get the cat blown out
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
