Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
