oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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