I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
