i jhust puked up my retainher.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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