ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
