some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
