a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
