I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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