and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My cat gives me a boner
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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