Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
