Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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