i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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