You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
