what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
