Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
