So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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