Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?