I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.