Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
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You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!