mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
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What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out