I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
time to smoke my breakfast
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way