I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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