Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder