I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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