This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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