I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
