Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
