guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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