Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
