Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My bed smells like the plague
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