Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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