That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
