I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
