My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
