I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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